I can’t sleep. I’ve been up most of the night. Kim and I slept in our own bed tonight and the house doesn’t seem like ours anymore. It seems so empty. We laid there talking about for over an hour in the dark, remembering how wonderful she is.
At 3am I came downstairs, I couldn’t lay there anymore staring at the ceiling. There is no comfort here. It is so cold. The house is so empty without her.
Worked on the post about the day before she passed on the blog to pass the time.
Everyone “got up”. Gabriel said a few times that he was sad that baby alex had died, and we immediately told him we were sad too, that it was ok to cry, etc.
Went to the funeral home, made preparations, including all of the paperwork for burial, visitation, and service times. The funeral director, Bob, who helped us had also lost a child many years prior. He was extremely good at his job and very helpful. Found out about finger print stuff. Gave them the working obituary and had them add the dates/times to it and send off to the newspaper. GR Press is now only delivering on Sundays, Tuesdays, etc… so if we had the funeral on Tuesday it wouldn’t even make the paper.
I couldn’t stand to eat dinner at the dinner table. I did it anyway, but for most of the time while she was alive one of us ate with the boys while the other held Alex and ate in the living room. It’s terribly ironic that I thought it was difficult to eat with her, squirming around, turning my head to the side so no food would fall onto her… eating without her in my arms is much more difficult, it’s almost unbearable. Sleeping without her is just as impossible.
