Michigan has entered in a new law that allows a more… robust version of fireworks to be legally used in the state this year. Not having to get them from another state is a nicety, but I learned today it’s not without consequences.
Today is the 5 month anniversery of Alexandria’s death. You’d think on a day like today I’d be more then happy to blow some things up, but I wasn’t really in the mood. We’re planning our yearly neighborhood BBQ and fireworks show for this weekend, and since no out of state driving is required, Gabriel and I went to the local fireworks store to pickup some rockets. They had a neat firetruck there, which I allowed him to climb all over. He wanted to know about each type of firework, and it was a good time for both of us. It got my mind off of things. Until we checked out.
The cashier was a nice young woman and Gabriel, in regular fashion, flirted like no other. She told him how cute he was, he agreed. *roll of the fathers eyes* She asked him if he was 4 years old, and he said yes. She proceeded to tell him she had a sister who had just turned five….. I knew exactly where this was going to go. It was like standing on the edge of a lake, teetering on the edge, you know you’re going to go in, you know what’s coming, but it’s all in slow motion……. Gabriel paused and said, “My sister is baby Alex and she died, I miss her a lot.” The cashier said it was sad, I don’t know if she believed him, but he continued, “she was very sick and very little when she died.” It was hard to hear his voice say that. I didn’t lose it, which was a start for me. But I didn’t make eye contact with the cashier from that point, I knew that would set me off. I did my best to keep my composure, and affirmed his feelings, “Yes Gabriel, we miss her very much.” And we left.
All afternoon Gabriel brought her up and I’d talk with him about her. Eventually he said something about not seeing her anymore, and I said we can see her in the pictures and videos we have. I asked if he wanted too, and he was overjoyed that he could share his “book” with me. He and Kimberly have been working on a book of his favorite pictures of her, something we have been told in counseling will help him. I think it is.
Gabriel sharing his book of pictures
