The next chapter

Today was a difficult day.

First, let me bring the rest of you up to speed on what everyone on facebook already knows.

Over the last year God changed my heart. Kimberly always wanted more children, but I was done. I did not want to go through the pain, or put another child through, what we’ve gone through again. We learned of new medical research and even found a plausible explanation for our children’s conditions, and a way to treat it. I was still done. But God’s a patient man. He changed my heart, and after a lot of prayer and placing our trust and faith in him, Kimberly is expecting in April.

Kimberly and I have had a terrific few weeks. We receive results of a “Harmony” test, a new diagnostic test that with a simple blood sample from Kimberly can tell us our chances of a genetic abnormality. Our baby, within 99.99%, is healthy. No chromosomal abnormalities. Our boy.  He used the research to put me at ease, and slowly gave us the courage to try again.  God is good.

So it’s been a great few weeks. I’d been waiting for this day for some time. You see, we’re building a new addition onto our church… a family life center. Gone is the entrance I walked Alexandria into our church so many Sundays, the entrance I carried her casket into and out of for her funeral. In its place is the shell of a fantastic new space that will be used in countless ways for the glory of God.   When they were preparing to tear it down we were offered pachysandra that was around the entrance, which I took out and planted around the front of the house. It grows around the flowering plant Kim’s parents gave us when we found out about Alexandria’s condition, and the Love Rose given to us by our small group in memory of her…   The boys run around the yard constantly, having fun, playing.  A scene I’ve pictured in my mind occuring in the new family life center.  They will play with their friends there, learn of Christ, have plays, shut-ins… but Alexandria would never get those experiences. It’s bothered me. A lot.

So as i said, we’re building this new addition, and a few months back we were told that the congregation would be offered the opportunity to write bible verses and prayers on the floor of the center, so that we could walk on the word of God. These would obviously be covered up by carpet… but they would be there. I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I wanted to write.

I missed her so much this morning. I cried long and hard before we got into the van to go to church…  It brought back so many memories and briefly made me feel empty again.  But I have a wonderful family, a fantastic church family, and that feeling doesn’t linger long anymore.

When the time came to write, I found one of the main doorways and I counted 12 steps into the room, one for each disciple. I wanted to be able to find that exact spot whenever I wanted too again. I sat down on the floor and began to write. I wrote Mark 10: 13-16, “…And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.” This was the top of the cross I was going to draw with scripture. The middle, Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 14. “…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” The base of the cross is Psalm 23. “I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever.”

These were the scriptures from Alexandria’s funeral service. They bring me comfort.

At the top of the cross I wrote Aden’s name, Matthew, Gabriel, Ethan, and Alexandria in the center, and Baby Vogt at the base. I also wrote a small prayer off to the side, which Kim and I both signed.

This church has given us so much. A debt I can never repay. I know this building will help them, help us, spread his word. God is good.