We are coming up on 7 months since Alex’s death. At this point it almost seems like a dream. If it weren’t for the massive amount of pictures and video, the clothes hanging in our closet, and the tons of memories we created with her, I might question myself on that. Was it real? It reminds me of the Imagination Movers concert we took the boys to last April. A year and a half later it feels like – did we go there? did we really meet and talk with them? did that really happen?
I feel like Alex was a celebrity. Picture it – The limo driving up for the red carpet. The paparazzi cameras flashing. The crowd trying to get a good look. Trying to get eye contact, a wink, a smile, a wave – to be noticed by her. We were the ones that got to ride in the limo with her. We were nervous but we hopped in the car. As with any celebrity meeting, you want to say the quintessential, most perfect thing. So many things we wanted to make sure we said to her. So many things we wanted to make sure to do with her. We were graced with her presence and tried to savor every single moment we had with her not knowing how long the ride would last before her driver would drop us off and she would drive off into the sunset without us. I feel so priviledged that I spent her entire life with her. She was a bright shining star who’s light went out so quickly; a candle who’s flame lasted long enough to blow it out. And for that brief moment in time, I got to see and experience a life that few got to witness or be a part of.
My Little Celebrity
Life is so short. We can be here one minute and not the next. And we have no idea when that minute will end.
This all reminded me of the movie “The Usual Suspects”. The part at the end where he says “and like that.. its gone” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkJqKOb0ZhY
and these bible verses:
Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:14 NIV
Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Psalms 144:4
I know in relation to the beginning of time, our life, let alone Alex’s brief life, is just a grain of sand on the beach. But like birthdays when you were little and it seemed an eternity until the next one, it seems like such a long time until we can be with Alex again. And that it where the emptiness lies.
