Angels Among Us

I feel the need to go back in time 9 years, 3.5 months ago and share something that happen to us even though it may seem like it has very little to do with Alexandria. Actually, a little farther back than that.

At that time I was pregnant with Aden. I was wonderfully, blissfully unaware of his diagnoses. I was 26 years old. My triple or quad screen (can’t remember what I had done) came back just fine. We came out of our 20 week ultrasound knowing we were having a boy and they had seen dilated kidneys. We were told not to worry. It was a common thing and they would just do another ultrasound in a few weeks. I don’t remember doing any research on what that meant. Remember – blissfully unaware that problems could occur. When they did another ultrasound the dilated kidneys were gone but one of his arms measured smaller than the other. What?? The family physician/OB said he was probably laying on that arm and they didn’t get a good measurement. Still, blissfully unaware.

One Saturday we went shopping for baby things at Meijer because they were having one of their “Super Saturday” sales. We went to a Meijer that was not our “regular” store. I remember standing in the rather long checkout line twiddling my thumbs. I think I was 7 or 8 months pregnant so my condition was rather obvious. There was a woman in front of us who looked a bit frazzled, tired, buying school supplies and other misc things. She looked at me for a moment and then asked if we were having a boy or a girl. Then she told me about her kids – an older girl and a younger boy who had Down Syndrome. I said to her “I’m so sorry” (which I now know is something you DON’T say when someone tells you that.) She talked about how hard it was, how she quit her business to stay home with him, how money was tight. We talked a bit more and then it was her turn to checkout so she wished us well, got through the checkout, grabbed her things, smiled at us and left. I would not remember her or this story until after Aden was born. And then I would never forget her, wanting to go back and tell her she was not alone.

The day Aden was born I could arguably say was one of the worst days of my life – much like August 10th was with Alexandria. It was diagnosis day and his birth day all in one. Doug pulled the Dr aside and said “He has Down Syndrome doesn’t he.” She wasn’t sure because in true unique Aden fashion he tried to stand up when they weighed him. He then failed his hearing test. I spent days in the hospital bed, holding Aden who seemed suddenly like some alien being rather than my flesh and blood, and sobbing my eyes out. I remember hearing Aero-Med landing on the roof and thinking to myself – perspective.. remember, someone else has it worse than you right now. The hospital social worker came in and all I could talk about was how all our dreams were shattered. We couldn’t have anymore kids – what if they had this too? That meant no future grand-kids. Our family would end here. And how in the world were we going to raise this child? Think of all the problems he’ll have, how hard everything will be for him. For us. There would be no “empty nest” everyone talks about. We would have a perpetual child. We would never be alone again.

Aden was born on a Sunday afternoon. Monday, another baby – a girl – was born also having Down Syndrome. Her parents knew ahead of time. How you might ask? Because their 20 week ultrasound had shown a massive heart defect – something Aden was blessed not to have and also why his condition went undetected. They had a lot of preparation time and worry time, time to read up on Down Syndrome, time to talk to the Down Syndrome Association, time to meet other kids with Down Syndrome. They also had lots of time to stress over the fact that within hours of birth their daughter would need life saving open heart surgery. In their time of uncertainty they reached out to us and talked about how we needed time to absorb all this.

I went home on Wednesday. I think they were afraid to send me home before that since I wasn’t handling things so well. Aden had jaundice and they wanted to keep him overnight still. When we went to pick him up the next day the nurses told us about another woman at the hospital that just had a baby. She and the nurses had been talking about how she had a 2 year old son with Down Syndrome and now just had his  younger (healthy) brother. She agreed to meet us and talk about her story.

We finally went to get Aden all packed up and ready to go home. I gave the nurse his special “going home” clothes to put on him. As she was dressing him she mentioned her then tween daughter had Down Syndrome. We bombarded her with questions as we had everyone else we’d talked to. Her answers were different though. They seemed vague and had a hint of “we don’t think about her Down Syndrome much anymore.”

I believe all these people were sent to us. The woman at Meijer was sent to prepare us, to plant the seed that things don’t always go as you think and life could be a struggle. The woman at the hospital who knew ahead of time was sent to give us a glimpse of how stressful things could have been had we known ahead of time and health issues we could have been dealing with. The woman with the 2 year old was sent to show us that some day maybe we too could reclaim the dream of a bigger family. (Oddly enough, we figured out we had met her before as a customer a few months back at her antique store.) The discharge nurse was sent to show us that this might all seem like a big scary deal right now but some day maybe it wouldn’t. What are the odds of all those people being at the hospital all at the same time as us? By the way, the discharge nurse told us it was not her usual day to work.

“God doesn’t give children with special needs to strong people; He gives children with special needs to ordinary, weak people and then gives them strength.” (Unknown)

And that’s what He did for us. In the midst of our weakness, uncertainty and fear He sent us people to give us strength. It was quite an elaborate plan. I saw instances of that in our journey with Alexandria too. With Alex there are stories like us showing up at church and being told “You have to meet this couple that goes here. They went through this too.” Or the day we didn’t have anything to eat for lunch and were debating one of us leaving the house (a scary thing in those first few days) and a friend called to say she was having food delivered. Or my despair at realizing I’d never bought her a “1st Christmas” ornament but when I went out to the mailbox I discovered a friend had sent one to us. And all the emails, phone calls and visits all at times when we needed them most.

When you think you are all alone and God isn’t watching, look back. Were you really alone?

(On a side note, last Monday we showed up for a new session of Aden’s adaptive swimming lessons. There are always 2 kids per session. The other kid in our session turned out to be none other than the then 2 year old mentioned above. We had not seen his mother since Aden was 1 year old – we visited her antique store a few times after seeing her at the hospital but then lost contact. This was the first time they had ever been at this pool. I wonder why they have been sent to us this time?)