We let Aden go to school, good to keep him in his pattern and he wanted to go.
We asked Gabriel if he wanted to go to school, he waffled a few times during the day, announcing he didn’t, saying he did… he eventually decided to go.
Got there, he told his teacher about that we were going “somewhere” tomorrow, but he couldn’t remember the place… he struggled for a bit… I knew what he wanted to say, and when it became clear that it really bothered him I said, “the funeral home?” “YES! The funeral home cause baby alex died!” She said something to him, something good about talking about it later if he wanted too… I was temporarily blinded by emotion to hear her words. I felt compelled to explain to his teacher he really did want to come to school… She understood.
Gabriel began asking question after question after question today, which is natural. We were patient and answered them as best we could. He asked me “What’s a funeral?!?” in one of our discussions and the following just flew out of my mouth, “A funeral is like a church service where we go to church and praise God for the days we had with Alexandria, we sing some songs to her, and then we tell her goodbye.” It was weird, because I hadn’t really thought about what a funeral was, what I was going to tell him… it was like someone else just took over “Here, let me answer his question for ya…” After I said it I thought to myself, “Hmmm, that’s a pretty good answer, wonder where that came from.”
“Where is heaven?” “I’m not sure.” Not sure I’m ever going to have an answer for that one.
Several times throughout the day he told me how he wasn’t sad, how he was so excited she came out of momma’s tummy.
This was the first day I’d gone without physically seeing her. I stopped by the funeral home with some cards to see if they made them like they did when my mother passed, and they are going too. I thought about asking to see her… but something told me not too.
